Moving on...

How do you put back the pieces together? How do you go on with life without looking back? Questions always pop up, always...and end up not getting answered...

Fontana is a nice place...a very refreshing place...a nice place to start all over again...

I can still vividly recall all that has been said..."DONT CALL ME ANYMORE..."...This probably is one of the saddest phrases ever coined, not because of the angry atmosphere it exudes, but, because of the relationship it ended...

I almost texted back..."Okay..."...but held on to it...thinking about it for some time...I never sent it...

It was finally over...no formal break up...no tears...no explanations...no arguments...just the way I wanted it to be...

We have gone through this stage several times already that it has become a routine everytime she goes on "self-pity" mode, one thing that really heavily strained our relationship. During the first few occasions this happened, both of us ended up crying...then we just cried a little...then the tears didn't fall...then there were no tears at all...

During the previous break-ups, I had a hard time sleeping...leaving dark circles under my eyes in the morning...then my fingers would have the itch to text her...then I'd give in and send her sweet and sorry messages...and would try to win her back...

Last night I slept well...was jolly in the morning...had a hearty breakfast...and saved a lot of text messages in my cell phone subscription plan...Had I become numb???

No...

I was just tired of it all...

I realized for the first time that I totally obscured myself from the world I used to enjoy...I strained a lot of my relationships with people whom I have considered friends for the longest time...even my daughter always ask my wife whether I'd go home or not...I realized that my world stopped for her, and got lost from the maps of my friends' memories...I became Mr. Next Time, to the people I used to hang out with...Mr. Will Try, to my colleagues...Mr. I'm Gonna Be Late, to my family...Mr. I Can't, to the rest...

I failed to see my daughter walk the isle when she was asked to be one of the flower girls in a friend's wedding...I wasn't in the picture when my daughter accepted her medal for an academic honor she got...I wasn't the first one to see my "bunso" when she was born...I have not spent enough time to be with my ailing father...I was an absentee father, an invisible man of the house, an atm machine which only dispenses money....I was USELESS....

Thanks to you sweetheart for ending it all...

As I write this post, not even a single teardrop wells my eyes, a slightly straightened letter "U" is on my lips...I am happy...not just because everything is over between us, but because I realized what I have lost when I had you...and have enough time to catch up and get it all back...

It was good while it lasted, and the imprints of the memories we shared together will forever be etched in my heart...As I've said, I will always love you, and will never cease to love you for all eternity...but ours is not meant to be, and I have finally accepted that fact...we must now move on...and go on loving each other but never be together...love me all you want, but love the person who can give you complete happiness more, much more than the way you love me...I will do the same...and walk past the boundaries of our intimate moments towards a brand new day...a brand new life...a brand new me...

Tomorrow, I will wave my hands to my family when I leave for work, and shake the hands of my colleagues when I get to work...I will run to the coffee shop for my meetings with renewed vigor and will laugh with my friends when I see them later in the evening...I missed my life...I missed my loved ones...I miss myself...

I will see your picture as I stare at the blank wall...but don't worry, I won't long for you anymore...I will put you up in the pedestal as an honor for your being such a wonderful person...a wonderful friend...a GREAT love...

Let's move on sweetheart...and enjoy what is left of our lives...let's walk towards the sunset holding the arms of the people we love and live for...let's walk towards the new day with attached memories in our hearts...As the sun sets, let's put all the heartaches with it and rest for the night...the hurts and the pains end here.....

...finally.....